Realise men are also tremendously worried about rejection-that’s why they’re not coming up to you. Author Susan Bradley suggests that in your mind, pretend you’ve known the person all your life. You’ll feel more at ease and act much more animated.
This technique actually tricks your brain into overcoming shyness. “If I feel I like a man I’ve seen around, I’ll say, ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ as if we’re already just easier to talk to someone that way; it lets them know you’ve noticed them. I’m currently seeing this man who lives in my suburb. I’d always seen him walking his dog in the park, and we finally met one afternoon when he didn’t have his dog with him. So I said to him, ‘What’s with your pup?’”
Now that you’re a little braver…
Try out a few bolder moves. Jeff, a 31-year-old real estate agent tells this story: “I was watching a footy game at a neighbourhood bar when the bartender handed me a beer and a beer mat with a message scribbled on it-‘Come and join us!’ I looked up, and a woman held up her drink, so I went to sit with her and her friend. Though we only dated a few times, I will never forget how good she made me feel about myself. And even so long after, that feeling still persists.”
Flattery will get you everywhere. “I was reading in a coffee shop and this cute woman came over and said, ‘I saw you come in and figured I’d regret it all day it I didn’t say hi’,” says Tom, 28, a student . “At first I blushed quite a bit. But I managed to ask her to join me. We ended up dating for a few months.”
If you’re feeling really gutsy, come right out and ask the man out. “When I was working at a coffee bar, there was a woman who came in regularly and asked me to make her usual morning coffee,” says David, now a 32-year-old newspaper reporter. “We never talked, but one day, after I made her a flat white coffee, she asked me if I liked French movies. I said I did. Then she said, ‘Good, I have two tickets for a new release and I would like you to come with me for the show.’
“Now? We’re married.”
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