Films, pick up a copy of Penthouse, read a Danielle Steele novel or check out a Madonna video-and one message comes across clearly. Everyone is perfectly shaped, highly orgasmic, vocal about their needs and their pleasure, gyrating just the right way and coming at least three times. There are no awkward moments. No part of the body one cringes over exposing to someone you want so desperately to please. No accidents to spoil those perfect encounters. No spills, only thrills.
Well, wake up and smell the contraceptive jelly. Real sex is rarely like reel sex-perfect in every way. Think about it. There you are, two naked adults trying to get intimate. It looks like a nude scrum. People grunt. Knees and elbows bump. Then something silly happens. The dog jumps into the bed. The condom shoots across the room like a torpedo. You get your foot caught in the sheet. What can you do but forget the so-called body beautiful and just giggle?
Except, most of us don’t. “There’s not enough laughter in the bedroom. You don’t hear people use the word ‘fun’ when they talk about their sex lives. If it’s good, they’ll say it’s stimulating or the earth moved,” says Denise Knowles. “There seems to be this mentality where you think you’re in an adult relationship and therefore you should be grown up about sex. We equate being adult and mature with having less fun.” But when you turn sex into the physical equivalent of paying your bills on time, you rob it of all its juicy adventure. And that’s not just bad for your sex life, it’s bad for your love life in general. It can turn you into this well-oiled machine which operates with push-button efficiency, but with no real sense of human feeling or intelligence.
It seems a spirit of fun is crucial to a fulfilling relationship. Psychologist Dr William Hampes has conducted several studies on the connection between humour and love. “Shared laughter helps open up the relationship and make it more intimate,” he says. “You become more relaxed with one another and willing to share your thoughts and feelings and trust each other.”
It follows that those bonding feelings are going to get even stronger if you an bring the laughter to bed with you. Sex was always a serious affair for Penny, 28. That is until she met her current boyfriend, a wild and crazy man who’s as likely to whisper jokes in her ear during loveplay as sweet nothings.
“A sense of humour is definitely up there in what makes a man attractive for me, but I never connected it to making love before,” she says. “You know, you’re afraid of making a fool of yourself and turning him off. But Jack doesn’t care-he’ll smear his penis with chocolate and ask if I want dessert! If you can laugh together when you’re naked, it makes you feel closer.”
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