And according to experts, loss of desire due to boredom is the most common sexual problem between couples. It’s Saturday, so it must be sex. It’s sex, so you must take your clothes off. It’s penetration so he must lie on top. It’s orgasm-hunting so you must have your clitoris rubbed for the requisite five minutes and he must thrust for 30 strokes. Nurofen, any one?
If there’s no fun in your lovemaking, sex is more likely to be thought of as dull and uninspiring ,” says Knowles. “The awful thing is, this is when you are most likely to have an affair or break-up because you look for that fun elsewhere.”
Unfortunately, breaking out of the intense mindset isn’t easy as it probably means turning all your preconceptions about sex upside down. Alternatively, you could just follow these five simple rules. Yes that’s right, rules. Look, even the most exciting games need rules if they’re going to be played and enjoyed without ending in tears. Making sex fun is no different. So, in no particular order of importance, here are some rules that may help…
RULE 1: Talk to each other. Sex becomes such a physical act, we often forget we can use our voices beyond the occasional moan and groan. “Communication” is every psychologist’s catch-phrase for good reason. “Even in long-term relationships, couples find it hard to communicate how they feel and what they want,” says Halu. “But if you’re comfortable talking to each other, then you’ll feel more comfortable exploring new ways of making love because you won’t worry about whether you’re doing it right. Plus, you’ll be more sensitive to each other’s needs.”
RULE 2: Give yourselves permission to relax and play-your relationship will be stronger for it. Couples who enjoys playing together count this is a relationship strength. Play is a way to nurture relationships.
Makes sense too. When you approach sex as spontaneous play, it can be a real mind liberator. Since there’s no right way to do it, you can take risks, have adventures. When was the last time you had a tickling contest; spent the evening with nothing more serious in mind than revelling something more than one of you lying on top pf the other; made love in candlelight? Then more ideas you think of, the more fun you will have experimenting. One woman I spoke to tosses onion rings onto her partner’s erect penis and then dines on them. Hey, whatever works for you.
RULE 3: Forget the orgasms. “When you stop focusing on just having an orgasm, you focus on other pleasurable activities as well-activities that, ironically, lead to orgasms,” says Halu.
RULE 4: Remember, it only hurts if you let it. “Don’t make everything a personal criticism,” says Knowles. “If you’re experimenting and it doesn’t work out, just laugh about it. Okey, it didn’t work this time and you got a cramp, but so what? Leaping around the room on one leg can be quite funny and laughing together will bring you a lot more closer –much more than sneering, ‘Don’t tell me you can’t even do that!’”
RULE 5:You don’t have to work right down the list. If you’re enjoying yourself and you’re only up to Rule 1, then ditch the rest and go for it. The point is, great sex isn’t about having Claudia Schiffer’s body or giving the perfect blow job. It’s about caring, touching, talking, teasing, passion, laughing. It’s about pleasure.
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